The Wedding Shoes
May 2012
Los Angeles, California
I had just wrapped a meeting where I learned I was awarded the job to shoot some print and outdoor ads for the California Milk Advisory board. It was a new installment for the iconic series “Happy Cows come from California”. As always, I was excited to work, but also to spend a few days working with animals and their wranglers at Sony Pictures.
This was a job where I had to share the day with the crew shooting the commercial. Typically the stills guys are treated like 2nd class citizens, but this wasn’t unit or BTS photography. It was for lots of print ads and I needed to get good shots.
As I left the meeting, the producer said “You’ll be working with Fred Savage”.
ME: Wonder Years Fred Savage?
PRODUCER: Yes.
ME: I didn’t know he still acted.
PRODUCER: He’s directing it. He’s a big commercial director and directs for Modern Family.
ME: Cool.
Shoot went well. At wrap, we get the obligatory photo together and posted it on Instagram.
The next day, I get a call from actor and friend Jason Biggs.
JB: Looking at your Instagram. Are you with Savage, now?
ME: No. Worked with him yesterday.
JB: If you talk to him, would you please tell him to pick up his wife’s wedding shoes?
ME: Why are his wife’s wedding shoes at your house?
JB: This used to be his house and they left them behind. We’ve tried to get other people to let him know, but never heard back.
ME: I doubt I’ll see him, but if I do, I’ll tell him.
A few days later, I’m having lunch at Soho House West Hollywood.
I look up from my meeting and see Savage sitting at a round 6 top. He was gesticulating and seemingly pitching something.
I text Biggs.
(Jokingly) Hey. I’m at lunch and I see Savage is here. Get your dick hard, put it in his wife’s wedding shoe and take a picture. I’ll text him that in the middle of his meeting.
1 minute later, Jason sends his red penis in this tiny satin wedding shoe. Either that or Jason has a really big penis. (I’m working off the small shoe theory)
I looked up Fred’s cell off the call sheet in my phone and text him the photo. It takes a good 30 seconds until he breaks to pick up the phone, looks confused by the number not in his contacts and opens the message.
TEXT: This is from Jason Biggs asking for you to pick up your wife’s wedding shoes.
His was was one of the all time great WTF faces I’ve ever seen.
His eyes dart around the room until he catches my wave from a few tables away. He isn’t smiling. On his way out he comes over with a big grin on his face and leans in.
SAVAGE: Tell him we’re never picking up the shoes. This has become my favorite game.
